crazy busy, crazy good

Since we last spoke, I turned 30, we redecorated our kitchen and our bathroom, Easter happened, Andrew's soccer season started, we hosted a party for Joe's 33rd birthday, I registered Andrew for kindergarten, I hosted my cooking club for Italian night, and we hosted my niece's first birthday party at our place. I'm sure I'm missing some things. What I'm saying is, we've just been really, really busy lately. It's a good kind of busy, though, the kind that has me falling into bed exhausted but content (and, on more than one occasion, ever-so-slightly-or-maybe-not-so-slightly tipsy).

The busy-ness shows no signs of stopping, either; Joe and Andrew have soccer practice every Wednesday (Joe is the team's assistant coach, which is the most adorable thing), and Andrew has a game every Saturday and some weeknights through the end of this month. We have kindergarten orientation for Andrew on Thursday. He's turning 5 on Friday (five! FIVE!!!!), and I'm currently in the planning stages of a Very Special Super Mario Birthday Party. The boys' spring program (and Andrew's preschool graduation!) are coming up later this month. The weather has been stunning lately, so we've been outside as much as possible soaking it in -- that is, when we're not running from one appointment to the next. 

My life is glasses of peach tea, ice beading on the sides; watching Joe and the boys hit baseballs in the back yard; cheering on Andrew's soccer team and helping Will practice his moves so he can play next year; stroking my sons' soft hair as they fall asleep in my lap after a busy, fun day; hugs and secret smiles with my husband as we navigate this wild ride together. I really love this life, every bit of it.

joe wins at everything, forever.

I got the surprise of my life over the weekend. My stepmom was keeping the boys on Saturday night so Joe and I could go out to dinner for my birthday. I decided I wanted to just eat somewhere close, since she picked them up later in the evening, so we decided on the Mexican restaurant right in town. Right before we left, Joe got a phone call from his mom (who, along with his sister, cleans the preschool/daycare the boys attend and his aunt owns). She asked for our help moving a heavy piece of equipment in the gym so they could clean beneath it, and it wasn't a big deal to stop by, since it was right on the way to the restaurant.

The windows were dark when we got there, but I still had no clue what was happening. Not until I opened the door and Joe flipped the lights and all of the people that I love shouted "SURPRISE!"

For the past month, Joe, his grandma, my stepmom, and my sister had been orchestrating a huge surprise party for my 30th birthday. And everyone was there: my grandmas, my aunts and uncles (one set came all the way from Michigan!), the girls in my cooking club, even my first and oldest friend, who I met on the school bus to kindergarten when we were both five years old. And of course my boys, who I think were just as surprised as I was ("I thought we were going to Neena's," Andrew told me, his forehead crinkled in confusion.) I was so overwhelmed, and I can't even describe how special I felt. There were definitely some tears involved. Lots of them.

I had absolutely no idea it was coming. None. Looking back on it now, there were definitely things that I missed or should have been suspicious of, but I was just completely oblivious. I mean, we're talking large charges to our debit card that I just completely overlooked (which doesn't say much for my checkbook balancing skills, right?). It's both frightening and fascinating that the people closest to me in the world are such good liars. Even my sweet little grandma, whom I'd spoken with on the phone the week before, completely kept the secret and threw me off the scent!

Joe's grandma was responsible for the decorations, and she's so good at things like that. She decided on a cooking theme for the party, and these were the centerpieces on the tables. Best of all, I got to keep all of the wooden utensils (since she knows I have a thing for wooden utensils). 

To go along with the theme, my incredibly talented sister made me a cooking scrapbook, and all of the guests brought recipes for me to fill it with. (I quote from Joe's uncle's recipe for fried rabbit: "Shoot rabbit with #6 brass buckshot. Don't miss, or recipe will be no good.")

And the gifts! They were so lovely. Two beautiful purses, a giant bottle of wine (from the girls in my cooking club; it's like they know me or something), lots of gift cards, and a box of goodies from Joe's cousin to help me feel young at heart (including beauty supplies for playing dress-up, candles and bubble bath to help me relax, and Candy Land -- "If all else fails, enjoy your boys!").

When I think about the whole evening, my face just breaks into a huge smile. Everyone should feel that special in their lives. To know so many people came together to celebrate me just made me feel so completely loved.

And luckily, Andrew and Will still got to spend the night with their Neena, so Joe and I were able to have a private celebration at home. (Sorry if that's TMI, but you guys, MY HUSBAND THREW ME A SURPRISE PARTY THAT HE SUCCESSFULLY KEPT SECRET FOR A MONTH. He definitely got a big thank you for that.)

the triumphant return of bullet points!

Hey, remember when I used to just write about all kinds of random stuff and use bullet points to tie it all together in some semblance of sense-making-ness? I kind of miss doing that. I think I'm going to start doing it again.

• Shows that Joe and I are currently obsessed with: The Following and The Americans. Seriously, if you are not watching these shows, you should remedy that immediately.
• Musicians that I am currently obsessed with: Lana del Rey and Florence and the Machine. My Pandora stations have been stuck on them for the past week, and I've been doing a lot of chair dancing wiggling at work.
• Speaking of "obsessed," I was writing that word in a text to my best friend last night and auto-correct changed it to "obese dad." Epic.
• One more obsession. This color, which just seems to scream SPRING!:

• A couple of weeks ago, my cooking club met for Thai food at one of our members' houses, and you guys, she has the most adorable house I've ever seen. The house was built in the '20s, and she and her boyfriend basically gutted it and started from scratch. She has such an eye for details in decorating, and her house is basically pinner's paradise. She has all this amazing vintage stuff, and we all spent half the time exclaiming over how awesome it all was (and the other half telling ghost stories, which was equally as awesome). Anyway, the reason I bring this up is that I was so inspired by her house that I've developed all these plans for my own. As a result, we're planning to paint our kitchen next week, and I have all kinds of projects both big and small in the works. Last weekend, my stepmom and I went to my favorite local antique store to see what we could find. I found all kinds of things that I didn't buy, yet, because they're finishing touches that need to wait until the big stuff is done. But one thing that I did find and scoop up immediately was this necklace:

          I mean, I couldn't resist. I love everything about it, and I will be wearing it all the time.

• This week was Dr. Seuss week at the daycare, which is one of the best weeks. Wednesday was Wacky Wednesday, and behold, my wacky fellas:



          They were much more excited than they look, believe me. It's just that it was 6 AM, and this 

          is pretty much the facial expressions they have at 6 AM.

• One last thing: If you have a son, you have to read this post. It's one of those posts I found myself crying while reading when I made it to the end. Because yes. All of those things. Just yes.

so very much good.

I don’t want my lack of posting here to make it seem as though things are not well with me right now, because oh, they are. My lack of posting has been less about I have nothing to say, and more about Where do I even start? I’m going to start, I think, by just writing and seeing what comes out.

Lately I feel like I’m in this very content place in my life. I just feel happy. My head is full of all kinds of ideas (for updates to our house, for how to improve my food blog, etc.), and, finally, we have a little bit of leeway financially to bring some of those ideas to fruition. I’m just so busy that the challenge is picking a starting point...and finding the time to start. The planning stages are all very exciting for me, and I’m more excited about our house and its potential than I think I’ve ever been.

I took the day off last Wednesday, and Joe was also off, so we had a “day date.” We went out to lunch and did some shopping, and it was just so wonderful to spend an uninterrupted day with him, just him. Sometimes in the whirlwind that is the parenting of two small boys, it’s easy to forget that we really like each other, and like talking to each other, and are still learning about each other every day in all kinds of new ways even after more than 12 years together. I’m aware more than ever that we grew up together, and am thrilled that we still seem to be growing together. Having him on first shift has been such a monumental change for our family that I don’t even know how to begin describing it. In many ways, he’s a completely different person. He’s so much more present with the boys and so much more attentive with me. He laughs more and is more at ease and converses in multi-syllabic words instead of acting like a zombie so much of the time. I love zombies, as we all know, but living with a husband who acted like one more often than not was becoming tiresome. Soon, he’ll be taking over a position that will enable him to have every Saturday off (and work a very early shift on Sundays), so my weekends of single parenting are on their way out. His presence on the weekends will offer me some much-needed relief and give the boys so much more time with their dad.

The boys are thriving. Since Christmas, it’s as though a flip was switched within Andrew, and he just grew up. Suddenly, he’s this boy -- this vibrant, thoughtful, creative, smart little boy. He’s still incredibly sensitive, something I had hoped he’d outgrow (at least to some extent) with time, but he hasn’t yet. I just enrolled him in soccer (HOW IS HE OLD ENOUGH TO PLAY SOCCER?) and I’m hoping that it...not toughens him up, exactly, but helps him develop a thicker skin. I am so proud of his quiet confidence, his sweetness, his love for his brother, his silly sense of humor, his thoughtful and wise-beyond-his-years-but-still-innocent observations about the world around him. I still look at him in wonder and awe, just as I have since the day he was born, and I wonder if I’ll ever stop. (I don’t think I will, nor do I want to.)

And then there’s Will, who is now three, and who is SO VERY THREE. He’s about 90% potty-trained, and just moved up to the 3’s class at daycare. At the end of every day, he’s full of stories about what he did and who he played with. He has a fun, charismatic personality and is so independent, and he tests boundaries to the extreme. He does so many things every single day that make me laugh, from the way he gives The Side Eye ™ to the way he “stinks” around the walls of our house (he’s actually “sneaking,” like a character in the video game the boys are playing with Joe right now, but as he does it he says “Stink, stink, stink” instead). He is my handful, my challenging child, the one who will drive me to the breaking point and then bring me right back with a flash of his dimple. Life is never dull with him around.

Watching my sons together is like watching a miracle take place before my eyes. Well, when they’re getting along, that is – when they’re fighting, it’s more like a nightmare, to be honest. They’re best friends, these two, with all that that entails, so some fighting is to be expected. But most of the time, they balance each other out perfectly; Andrew brings out the sweetness and goodness in Will, and Will brings out the ornery and daring parts of Andrew. I know that in 50 years I will close my eyes and still be able to hear the sound of their combined giggles echoing through my mind. It is my very favorite sound.

In just over a month, I turn 30 years old, and if I step back and look at my life from the outside in, I can see that I’m exactly where I had hoped to be at this point in my life. There are small things I would change, but the big things are all covered. I own my own home, I have a career I (mostly) love, I have a handsome, loving husband and beautiful, healthy, brilliant children. I have wonderful friends who I still see regularly (some for going on 25 years now), and my love of running is helping me to challenge and push myself to do things that I never thought I could. Typically this time of the year is very hard for me, but this year I find myself rolling with the punches more than I ever have and being a much more present participant in my own life. I have this sense of anticipation, this sense of a new stage beginning.

What I’m saying is, I like what I see when I look at my life these days, and I can’t wait to see what comes next.

letter to william, three years old

Sweet William:

On this, the morning of your third birthday, I had to wake you out of a deep, deep sleep (as usual). You groaned, you burrowed under your pile of stuffed animals, you murmured, “But I’m still tired.” And I said, “I know, baby, but do you know what today is?” As soon as the words left my mouth, you popped your head up, and your face immediately lit up with your brilliant smile. You crowed, “It’s my BIRTHDAY!” You were so excited all morning before we left the house -- about your cupcakes (the minions from Despicable Me, painstakingly made by Mommy), about your tee-shirt (a picture of an ice cream cone and a doughnut running through a sprinkler that sprays actual sprinkles, a gift from Aunt Anne), about the dinner you chose to have for your birthday tonight (Chinese food). Your excitement was contagious, and by the time we left for school, my face hurt from smiling at you so much.

That seems to be how I perpetually live my life with you these days -- in a sore-faced state from smiling and a sore-bellied state from laughing. You’re such an incredible little boy. Three years after the day you were born, I still find myself just as in awe of you as I was when we first met.  Your fingers and toes, so much bigger now than they were when you were a newborn, are still a marvel to me when I hold your hands and tickle your feet. Your belly button, swirly as a cinnamon roll, is still just as sweet. Your cheeks, chubby and dimpled, are just as kissable as they were on the day I met you. Although you are hardly ever still these days, whenever you are, I find myself just watching you and breathing you in. Your big, liquid brown eyes, your fine blond hair and bowed lips, your Will-smell of clean sheets and grass. You’re a marvel.



At three years old, you’re quite a chatterbox. You can make jokes and argue and negotiate. You can tease and compliment and tell us, in great detail and with many embellishments, what you did at school. You love to sing and dance. You love reading books, especially We’re Going on a Bear Hunt, Little Blue Truck, and Frosty the Snowman. Your favorite things to watch are Despicable Me and Bubble Guppies. You love stickers, cinnamon French toast sticks, bananas, sleeping (your love of sleep still amazes me, considering that you spent the first nine months of your life not doing it), and drawing. Your best friend is named Jaxon. You have an entire crew of stuffed creatures that must be with you at all times: Puppy Pillow Pet, Little Puppy Pillow Pet, Puppy, Big Puppy, Elly, Gil, Bubble Puppy, Angry Bird, Perry the Platypus, Patrick Santa, Luigi, and Gus Gus Puppy (you named all of them yourself). You don’t like having your picture taken or wearing clothes when you don’t have to. You still use an atty, but only at night, and I’m okay with it. I’ll let you hold onto this last bit of babyhood, since the other aspects of it are so quickly fading. 

You’re nearly potty-trained, which has been a fairly recent development, and it’s been completely effortless. I’m so proud of you for being such a big boy. Every time you use the potty successfully, you get a marshmallow, the size of which depends on what you do on the potty. In true Will fashion, you always try to negotiate for a big marshmallow, even if you’ve only peed. In true Mommy fashion, I’m almost always unable to resist you, so I usually relent.



You definitely have a temper, and you don’t always like to listen. You think time-out is the most hilarious thing in the world. You feel everything strongly, and you live life at full-tilt, head-first. I admire your vivacity and your positivity, and I hope you never lose those traits. I even admire your stubbornness, although not so much when it’s directed at me. I’ve said this before and it’s still true: People are just drawn to you. I have a vision of your future in which you’re the class clown, the center of attention, a boy with so much intelligence and wit and spark. I don’t know if it’s an accurate vision, but I’m enjoying every moment of watching you become who you’re going to be.



I’m also enjoying every moment of watching your relationship with your brother blossom. You two fight so much and it drives me crazy, but even more often than that, you’re playing together, having discussions, inventing worlds for yourselves that I’m not a part of. I can almost physically see the two of you becoming a unit, and it’s the most incredible, magical thing.

The other day I was lying on the couch, and I looked over at where you were standing and was shocked that I could see your entire head over the arm of the couch. I thought for sure that you must be standing on something, because I knew you weren’t that tall! What a shock it was when I sat up and realized that no, suddenly, you are that tall. Your legs have lost all of their babyish chunkiness; they’re little boy legs now. You’re thinning out, losing your wrist rolls and your finger dimples. You’re becoming a little boy before my eyes, and I simply can’t believe you’re three years old already. In some ways you seem so much older, but in some ways you still seem like my baby. You are still my baby. I think you probably always will be.



 My favorite time of day with you is when you’re all tucked in bed, surrounded by your plush friends. You look up at me, smiling around your atty, and whisper, “I want now I lay me down to sleep.” I recite the prayer, letting you finish each line. On nights you’re feeling particularly silly, you make up nonsense words at the end of each line. Some nights you ask for songs, some nights you ask for an extra hug. I tell you to sleep tight, and that I love you, and sometimes you say “Thank you,” while sometimes you say, “I wuv oo too!” Every night is a little different, but every night feels like a quiet, safe, perfect moment in our otherwise fast and loud lives. I’m so happy to share these sweet, still moments with you, just as much as I’m happy to share the lovely loud ones. Every moment with you feels like a gift. Thank you for all the thousands of moments we’ve had, and for the millions that are yet to come. Happy Birthday, my littlest darling.

Love,

Mommy