I have a confession to make: Joe and I don’t sleep in the same bed.
In fact, we don’t even sleep in the same room.
In fact, Joe doesn’t even technically sleep in a bed.
It all started when Joe was working third shift. He was gone all night, and I got used to having our bed all to myself. On his nights off, one or the other of us would usually always end up on the couch. Joe is a cuddler, you see, and also a snorer -- neither of which I am (although he’d probably disagree with me on the latter, but I maintain: I DO NOT SNORE).
I don’t like to be cuddled when I’m trying to sleep, at all. I don’t like to have anyone close to me, or anyone else’s body touching any part of mine, when I’m trying to fall asleep. Joe, on the other hand, likes to hug something when he’s sleeping. If we’re in the same bed, he wants to hug me -- which sounds very sweet, and so of course I HATE IT. His arm feels so heavy when it’s thrown across my body, which makes me feel like I’m trapped, which makes me feel claustrophobic, and then I wiggle and squirm and try to get free and it wakes him up, so neither of us sleeps well and it’s just no good for anyone. Even when I tell him to give me a little space, he always manages to work his way over to me again once he’s fallen back to sleep. Add that to the fact that the man snores like a...well, a very loud snoring thing, and also that his body temperature seems to go up at least 25 degrees when he’s sleeping, it means that I don’t sleep very well (if I sleep at all) when we’re sharing a bed. Because I like to inform him loudly of how terribly I’m sleeping -- “YOU’RE SNORING AGAIN. WHY IS YOUR SKIN SO HOT. GIVE ME SOME SPACE, YOUR ARM IS CRUSHING ME.” -- he doesn’t sleep well, either.
He also has some back and knee issues that make sleeping on a flat surface not very comfortable for him, so it works out well for both of us that he actually prefers to sleep on the couch upstairs rather than in our bed. He has a nest of pillows that contour to his body, and plenty of pillows to go underneath his knees too, so he sleeps very comfortably there. Now that he’s home every night, that couch has become his bed.
Obviously, we do other things in our bed together (HEY-OH!), and I think that’s really the important thing, right? I don’t think the fact that we sleep better separately has any bearing on the type of marriage we have.
I was talking about this with a couple of my co-workers yesterday, and I was somewhat surprised to learn that they and their spouses have separate sleeping arrangements as well, for various reasons. It made me wonder how common this is, so if you feel comfortable weighing in, I’d love to hear from you about this.
8 comments:
We often sleep separately, though not purposefully. Aaron falls asleep on the couch downstairs often while watching sporting events that go on long after I'm asleep. Other nights one of us ends up sleeping in Gabbie's room because she's having nightmares (and if we just brought her into our room neither of us would sleep, because she's very active when she sleeps). We do just fine sleeping in bed together, and actually miss it most of the time, because it doesn't happen often.
My parents actually sleep in separate rooms because of snoring too. They both snore and wake each other up.
It's actually really important to us to sleep in the same room, even with HIS snoring. :)
But I'm more curious about the logistics of the *other* stuff. My favorite part of the *other* stuff is falling asleep together afterwards. Is it just like you're his booty call, y'all finish your thing, and he heads back to the couch, doing the walk of shame?
Daniel and I aren't sleeping in the same bed right now either. Our reasoning being the girls. He only gets about five hours of sleep a night before he heads into work so crying babies aren't exactly appreciated. I sleep in one room with the girls and he actually has our bed out in the playroom. Once we move out of my Mom's place though we're back to sharing a bed...even if he does snore...lol. I miss having him next to me.
Ron and I haven't slept in the same bed together for the last 2 years since he started working nights. Took me a while to get used to it but now it bugs me when he wants to sleep with me! I'm used to having all that room! And I HATE to be cuddled or touched for all the same reasons you do. Luckily, neither of us like to cuddle when we sleep, so that works okay. To top it all off, he is always cold and has about 5 blankets piled on his side of the bed and I barely can tolerate a sheet on me. But somehow we have managed after all of these years!
Joe and I sleep together but he would LOVE if we slept like Lucy and Ricky Ricardo - two twin beds in the same room with a night stand in between them.
One night Don and I got into an argument and he went to sleep on the couch. I was so excited to have the bed but he came back haha. I would love my own bed.
We've been sleeping separately since somewhere around early third trimester, when I needed more space, and getting quality sleep was critical. Since the birth, the separation has been more to his benefit, as he's able to sleep through the night while I breastfeed. We have a tenant scheduled to take over the room where he's sleeping in June, so the goal is to get Willow sleeping better by then. But the snoring will remain an issue. So far, earplugs have been the best solution.
I always have to laugh at how alike we are, Cassie!! Josh and I haven't slept in the same bed for a long time now. I think it started when I was pregnant with Abbi and I would squirm so much that he couldn't sleep. But now he stays on the couch because of back and knee issues (so Joe and Josh are alike as well!!) I think if we had a better bed then Josh would be able to sleep in bed, so hopefully one day we'll be able to afford one so we can sleep together again!
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